Archive | Random RSS feed for this section

Protected: Trolls, watching and stalking part 2

8 Aug

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Trolls, watching and stalking part 1

12 Jul

 Another long one I’m afraid! 

So the other week I met with someone who is an IT whizz. They’re employed by a gov dept for which that skill is essential. They can track things we don’t even know existed let alone be tracked. I’m still getting messages, the accounts are still appearing, I’m still being called a slag, a slut, a prostitute, I’m being told to die, to slit my wrists, to fall on a knife….even to go and touch the third rail – which is a sign they’ve been watching me to know what I do for a living.

I know this blog is being watched – for example the other day it was VERY popular in Portugal for the second time this month. Why or with who, tbh I don’t care – was either the troll or someone from the PC side watching. I know the PC used to look at my Twitter account even though we weren’t following each other on there anymore – he probably still does, he may even be watching me on this blog.

The good thing is though, my IT whizz has located two of the common IP addresses being used. They could be a work address, home, even a Asda/Tesco or McDonald’s, anywhere with free wifi, but he’s getting closer in tracking down the location of my troll. So hopefully we’re closer to tracking down who it is. TBH I’m more interested in finding out who, why and getting it to stop rather than get justice. The PS dealing with my case has been fantastic. He’s been very supportive, is disgusted himself by some of the messages and is also looking into some details that he can access.

I’ve blogged in the past about,  how the troll made me feel, how low I got, how I thought about ending it that day. I ended up taking some time off work, I had to, I needed to. I have someone who is a very good mate and we’ve known each other for over 20 years. However, they seem to think it’s important I know stuff. Sometimes stuff I don’t want to know.

Bit of background – In work we have a ‘private’ zone in our emails where we can save emails that are personal to us, so emails from partners, family, amazon etc go here and the rule is they’re not touched by the company. We have to save email addresses to the server to stop them being marked as spam and so we can see them. If the company want to view the folder, they give us notice they plan to do so – unless in the case of emergencies, disciplinaries or security reasons. When I hit my low point the other week, I had to take time off, I ended up having a heart to heart with my boss about it all. I had to tell him I’m being trolled, I had to share with him some of the messages and explain it all. It was pretty embarrassing to be honest.  Telling someone about the messages and why. However, he was great. Told me to take off all the time I wanted, that he’d support me with whatever needed to be done to get this sorted out.

I’d only told a few people about the trolling and even less about how it had made me feel, I’d got to the point where I felt I didn’t know who to tell, who to trust.  I went out the other day on the new horse and 2 women stopped to greet me – I couldn’t get away. They were 2 women I’d seen time and time before walking their dogs yet suddenly I didn’t trust them. I ended up bottling most of it up and keeping it to myself, telling only those I wanted to tell. I even started doubting those I had told.

Then I got a call from this friend, I’ve known him since Uni. We were best mates at uni, always together, lectures, studying, even spent weekends together watching rugby. His family lived in London, so often if he was invited to a family do I was invited too.  He was my Will to my Grace if you get my drift. We’ve helped each other through some pretty horrid shit in 21 years and we laughed till we’ve cried too.  He was embarrassed and said he didn’t know how to tell me but that my boss had just emailed him about me and basically insinuated something had happened to me and that I needed my friends around me. He was hurt that I’d not told him and embarrassed to tell me. I was horrified. This was something I’d wanted to tell people when I was ready. He was hurt that after all what we’d told each other, I’d not told him about this and I was ashamed and humiliated that this email had gone out. I had no control over who this email had gone to.  Within ten mins of this email being sent, I’d had 3 people calling me about it. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up, I wasn’t in control, I had no idea who knew what.

I couldn’t even log in to see what emails had been sent about me, as I’d surrendered my laptop, ipad and mobile to be checked by the IT guy to prove I wasn’t the one doing the trolling – BTW he’s confirmed that in the last year I’ve never logged into any Twitter accounts other than my Bristolmary one and a private one that has never been tweeted from at all or from any of the gadgets in my possession. The whizz then checked my personal phone over when he gave my work phone back – he refused to take both at the same time so I had some ‘safety’ and as he said, they’re iPhones if you’ve done it on these, I’ll know. Again that came back clean. Oh and whilst I was sat with him, I got another message – I must be doing pretty well to be sending messages to myself when I’m sat in a room with someone who had my phone, ipad and laptop in his office at the time!

Decided this is going to be at least a two-part post as it’s getting too long for just the one post…..so part 2 coming in next day or so!

 

Birthday

11 Jul

In 11 days it’s my birthday. Not a monumental, not a special one, just a bog standard birthday. No key to the door – again.

People have started to ask me what do I want for my birthday and what do I want to do for my birthday.

My nephew tells me I need (another) PS4 to leave at his house, so he can play games against me. My oldest niece tells me I either want shoes or a pony that she can ride whilst I ride Barney  my new horse – they’re quite cunning these two!! The youngest niece when asked what should Aunty M get for her birthday ‘cake’ or ‘pub’ seem to be her two favourite answers. She’s learning fast!

Dad’s asked me what I want – turns out I’m not getting Vin Diesel either. Friends and Sister/BiL have asked too.

We’re supposed to be doing a few things for my birthday – a meal, a meal with family and drinks with friends.

The truth? I’m not in the mood for any of it right now. If I had to ask for anything for my birthday it would be

a. for the troll to stop messaging me and leave me alone
b. to find out just why the troll has targeted me
c. to be able to go out for the night without wondering if the person over there is the troll or is it that person over there
d. from being jumpy when my phone tells me I have a new notification on twitter
e. for the PS to stop asking me to name someone!!

I just want a day where I get to thank people for their well wishes, spend time with those I want to spend time with and relax and have a good day/evening.

The chances of that happening?!

Protected: He makes me…..not

10 Jul

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Tears, Tantrums and Threats

5 Jul

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: New posts/ramblings by me

8 Aug

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Protected: Why restart my blog?

8 Aug

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Exceptional EA

Why aspire to anything less?

rouge

I write when the choice is to die if I don't

loneyheart

this is for big kids only... I play here, and if you are not Mature then you are not welcome. There are other sandboxes. So if you are easily offended please play elsewhere. I do not have the personal peace of mind to deal with SO CALLED ADULTS

A Confederacy of Spinsters

Sex, Dating, and Surviving Your Twenties

mentalnotes1

POETRY, RANDOM THOUGHTS AND STUFF LIKE THAT....

For the Record

On rape, harassment, stalking, violence, for women and men. Information, statistics, resources. Find immediate help, get safe now.

Pretty Feet, Pop Toe

It's just my point of view. Love it or hate it.

It's all about me!

...and sometimes about other people

Hiking Photography

Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.

Charon4a

Cathartic writings of the depressed

Daddy Drinks

A stay at home dad just trying not to f#ck up

Stuff Kids Write

Like stuff adults write. But funnier.

broken in a million pieces

musings on love and relationships

lifeofalovergirl

Reflections and revelations of sexual revelry ;)

Misadventures of a Married Woman

A secret diary of the day to day life of a married woman

Confessions of Your Husband's Mistress

From the mouth of just one mistress

Smitten with Him

grown-up stuff happens here sometimes

Being Her, (the other woman)...

Judged by all, loved by two.

The Chronicles of Madame Blush

Tales from my Innermost Thoughts

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

forcing myself happy

One day at a time...for 6 months! :/

Therapy in Music

Musical musings for reflection

stephenclark1

4 out of 5 dentists recommend this WordPress.com site

Post it Notes from my Idiot Boss

delivered directly to my computer monitor on an all too regular basis...

The Pillars of Her Earth

Understanding Bipolar, and recovering from traumatic events

Note to Fred...

For those who forget...

AngelEyes

Just another WordPress.com site

When I Grow Up I'd Like To Be...

My Pursuit To Find Something I'm Good At.

Been Cheated On's Blog

To Reconcile or Not? Is saving a marriage worth it?

%d bloggers like this: