Friends, acquaintances to strangers

12 Oct

The last 24 hours in work have been quite possibly the shitest 24 hours in my job so far for me. Admittedly it’s not been helped by having a cold which developed into a chest infection, and still feeling the effects of the last meeting with Ben.

At one point this morning, I sat at my desk, the phone rang this morning and it was one of the other Directors. I nearly cried down the phone to him. The more he asked if I was ok, the more I wanted to cry. I had to keep lying and saying it’s just the cold. 

I was given some news yesterday afternoon that despite me having a feeling something was up, I wasn’t prepared for what that ‘thing’ was. Not sure if it was because I was ill or due to the news, but I even cried in the car on the way home! I’m a bloody wuss!

I slept really badly, not helped by the chest infection and being up half the night. I then overslept and was in work about 45 mins later than I am normally – thank heavens for on site car parking!

I hardly ate yesterday evening probably didn’t even eat half of my tea. Couldn’t even face breakfast this morning. Spent the morning just drinking coffee and trying to throw myself into work, to little avail.

I’ve had a day now to think about the news and have realised it’s out of my hands the only thing I can truly control is myself. I just have to wait it out and see what happens. I can put somethings in place as a ‘just in case’ scenario but until the time comes I won’t know what to do.

The really daft thing is, when I heard the news yesterday, I got in my car to drive home and there was one person I wanted to message to tell them about it and ask them for some advice. I knew they’d give me solid grounded advice and not a load of flannel. I sat in the car wanting to message them to say ‘I’m struggling, here’s why, please help me talk it through, I need your advice’ and I couldn’t message them. A time when I could really have done with talking to them and I couldn’t.

They listened to me once before when I was totally stressed over a personal issue, didn’t laugh when I told them where I’d just cried to and I was really grateful that they just listened and then gave advice.

We don’t talk anymore but last night and this morning, I really could have done with that voice of reason to help me. I’ll be glad when this week is over but still in the back of my head is that slight regret of losing touch with the one person I felt comfortable enough to talk to about these things.

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