Trolls, watching and stalking part 1

12 Jul

 Another long one I’m afraid! 

So the other week I met with someone who is an IT whizz. They’re employed by a gov dept for which that skill is essential. They can track things we don’t even know existed let alone be tracked. I’m still getting messages, the accounts are still appearing, I’m still being called a slag, a slut, a prostitute, I’m being told to die, to slit my wrists, to fall on a knife….even to go and touch the third rail – which is a sign they’ve been watching me to know what I do for a living.

I know this blog is being watched – for example the other day it was VERY popular in Portugal for the second time this month. Why or with who, tbh I don’t care – was either the troll or someone from the PC side watching. I know the PC used to look at my Twitter account even though we weren’t following each other on there anymore – he probably still does, he may even be watching me on this blog.

The good thing is though, my IT whizz has located two of the common IP addresses being used. They could be a work address, home, even a Asda/Tesco or McDonald’s, anywhere with free wifi, but he’s getting closer in tracking down the location of my troll. So hopefully we’re closer to tracking down who it is. TBH I’m more interested in finding out who, why and getting it to stop rather than get justice. The PS dealing with my case has been fantastic. He’s been very supportive, is disgusted himself by some of the messages and is also looking into some details that he can access.

I’ve blogged in the past about,  how the troll made me feel, how low I got, how I thought about ending it that day. I ended up taking some time off work, I had to, I needed to. I have someone who is a very good mate and we’ve known each other for over 20 years. However, they seem to think it’s important I know stuff. Sometimes stuff I don’t want to know.

Bit of background – In work we have a ‘private’ zone in our emails where we can save emails that are personal to us, so emails from partners, family, amazon etc go here and the rule is they’re not touched by the company. We have to save email addresses to the server to stop them being marked as spam and so we can see them. If the company want to view the folder, they give us notice they plan to do so – unless in the case of emergencies, disciplinaries or security reasons. When I hit my low point the other week, I had to take time off, I ended up having a heart to heart with my boss about it all. I had to tell him I’m being trolled, I had to share with him some of the messages and explain it all. It was pretty embarrassing to be honest.  Telling someone about the messages and why. However, he was great. Told me to take off all the time I wanted, that he’d support me with whatever needed to be done to get this sorted out.

I’d only told a few people about the trolling and even less about how it had made me feel, I’d got to the point where I felt I didn’t know who to tell, who to trust.  I went out the other day on the new horse and 2 women stopped to greet me – I couldn’t get away. They were 2 women I’d seen time and time before walking their dogs yet suddenly I didn’t trust them. I ended up bottling most of it up and keeping it to myself, telling only those I wanted to tell. I even started doubting those I had told.

Then I got a call from this friend, I’ve known him since Uni. We were best mates at uni, always together, lectures, studying, even spent weekends together watching rugby. His family lived in London, so often if he was invited to a family do I was invited too.  He was my Will to my Grace if you get my drift. We’ve helped each other through some pretty horrid shit in 21 years and we laughed till we’ve cried too.  He was embarrassed and said he didn’t know how to tell me but that my boss had just emailed him about me and basically insinuated something had happened to me and that I needed my friends around me. He was hurt that I’d not told him and embarrassed to tell me. I was horrified. This was something I’d wanted to tell people when I was ready. He was hurt that after all what we’d told each other, I’d not told him about this and I was ashamed and humiliated that this email had gone out. I had no control over who this email had gone to.  Within ten mins of this email being sent, I’d had 3 people calling me about it. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up, I wasn’t in control, I had no idea who knew what.

I couldn’t even log in to see what emails had been sent about me, as I’d surrendered my laptop, ipad and mobile to be checked by the IT guy to prove I wasn’t the one doing the trolling – BTW he’s confirmed that in the last year I’ve never logged into any Twitter accounts other than my Bristolmary one and a private one that has never been tweeted from at all or from any of the gadgets in my possession. The whizz then checked my personal phone over when he gave my work phone back – he refused to take both at the same time so I had some ‘safety’ and as he said, they’re iPhones if you’ve done it on these, I’ll know. Again that came back clean. Oh and whilst I was sat with him, I got another message – I must be doing pretty well to be sending messages to myself when I’m sat in a room with someone who had my phone, ipad and laptop in his office at the time!

Decided this is going to be at least a two-part post as it’s getting too long for just the one post… part 2 coming in next day or so!



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