Protected: Trolls, watching and stalking part 2

8 Aug

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Trolls, watching and stalking part 1

12 Jul

 Another long one I’m afraid! 

So the other week I met with someone who is an IT whizz. They’re employed by a gov dept for which that skill is essential. They can track things we don’t even know existed let alone be tracked. I’m still getting messages, the accounts are still appearing, I’m still being called a slag, a slut, a prostitute, I’m being told to die, to slit my wrists, to fall on a knife….even to go and touch the third rail – which is a sign they’ve been watching me to know what I do for a living.

I know this blog is being watched – for example the other day it was VERY popular in Portugal for the second time this month. Why or with who, tbh I don’t care – was either the troll or someone from the PC side watching. I know the PC used to look at my Twitter account even though we weren’t following each other on there anymore – he probably still does, he may even be watching me on this blog.

The good thing is though, my IT whizz has located two of the common IP addresses being used. They could be a work address, home, even a Asda/Tesco or McDonald’s, anywhere with free wifi, but he’s getting closer in tracking down the location of my troll. So hopefully we’re closer to tracking down who it is. TBH I’m more interested in finding out who, why and getting it to stop rather than get justice. The PS dealing with my case has been fantastic. He’s been very supportive, is disgusted himself by some of the messages and is also looking into some details that he can access.

I’ve blogged in the past about,  how the troll made me feel, how low I got, how I thought about ending it that day. I ended up taking some time off work, I had to, I needed to. I have someone who is a very good mate and we’ve known each other for over 20 years. However, they seem to think it’s important I know stuff. Sometimes stuff I don’t want to know.

Bit of background – In work we have a ‘private’ zone in our emails where we can save emails that are personal to us, so emails from partners, family, amazon etc go here and the rule is they’re not touched by the company. We have to save email addresses to the server to stop them being marked as spam and so we can see them. If the company want to view the folder, they give us notice they plan to do so – unless in the case of emergencies, disciplinaries or security reasons. When I hit my low point the other week, I had to take time off, I ended up having a heart to heart with my boss about it all. I had to tell him I’m being trolled, I had to share with him some of the messages and explain it all. It was pretty embarrassing to be honest.  Telling someone about the messages and why. However, he was great. Told me to take off all the time I wanted, that he’d support me with whatever needed to be done to get this sorted out.

I’d only told a few people about the trolling and even less about how it had made me feel, I’d got to the point where I felt I didn’t know who to tell, who to trust.  I went out the other day on the new horse and 2 women stopped to greet me – I couldn’t get away. They were 2 women I’d seen time and time before walking their dogs yet suddenly I didn’t trust them. I ended up bottling most of it up and keeping it to myself, telling only those I wanted to tell. I even started doubting those I had told.

Then I got a call from this friend, I’ve known him since Uni. We were best mates at uni, always together, lectures, studying, even spent weekends together watching rugby. His family lived in London, so often if he was invited to a family do I was invited too.  He was my Will to my Grace if you get my drift. We’ve helped each other through some pretty horrid shit in 21 years and we laughed till we’ve cried too.  He was embarrassed and said he didn’t know how to tell me but that my boss had just emailed him about me and basically insinuated something had happened to me and that I needed my friends around me. He was hurt that I’d not told him and embarrassed to tell me. I was horrified. This was something I’d wanted to tell people when I was ready. He was hurt that after all what we’d told each other, I’d not told him about this and I was ashamed and humiliated that this email had gone out. I had no control over who this email had gone to.  Within ten mins of this email being sent, I’d had 3 people calling me about it. I just wanted the ground to swallow me up, I wasn’t in control, I had no idea who knew what.

I couldn’t even log in to see what emails had been sent about me, as I’d surrendered my laptop, ipad and mobile to be checked by the IT guy to prove I wasn’t the one doing the trolling – BTW he’s confirmed that in the last year I’ve never logged into any Twitter accounts other than my Bristolmary one and a private one that has never been tweeted from at all or from any of the gadgets in my possession. The whizz then checked my personal phone over when he gave my work phone back – he refused to take both at the same time so I had some ‘safety’ and as he said, they’re iPhones if you’ve done it on these, I’ll know. Again that came back clean. Oh and whilst I was sat with him, I got another message – I must be doing pretty well to be sending messages to myself when I’m sat in a room with someone who had my phone, ipad and laptop in his office at the time!

Decided this is going to be at least a two-part post as it’s getting too long for just the one post… part 2 coming in next day or so!



11 Jul

In 11 days it’s my birthday. Not a monumental, not a special one, just a bog standard birthday. No key to the door – again.

People have started to ask me what do I want for my birthday and what do I want to do for my birthday.

My nephew tells me I need (another) PS4 to leave at his house, so he can play games against me. My oldest niece tells me I either want shoes or a pony that she can ride whilst I ride Barney  my new horse – they’re quite cunning these two!! The youngest niece when asked what should Aunty M get for her birthday ‘cake’ or ‘pub’ seem to be her two favourite answers. She’s learning fast!

Dad’s asked me what I want – turns out I’m not getting Vin Diesel either. Friends and Sister/BiL have asked too.

We’re supposed to be doing a few things for my birthday – a meal, a meal with family and drinks with friends.

The truth? I’m not in the mood for any of it right now. If I had to ask for anything for my birthday it would be

a. for the troll to stop messaging me and leave me alone
b. to find out just why the troll has targeted me
c. to be able to go out for the night without wondering if the person over there is the troll or is it that person over there
d. from being jumpy when my phone tells me I have a new notification on twitter
e. for the PS to stop asking me to name someone!!

I just want a day where I get to thank people for their well wishes, spend time with those I want to spend time with and relax and have a good day/evening.

The chances of that happening?!

Protected: He makes me…..not

10 Jul

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Protected: Tears, Tantrums and Threats

5 Jul

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Protected: London calling….

30 Jun

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25 Jun

Thank you for the comments and feedback on my last post.

Given the topic it’s slightly obvious why I turned the ability to comment on my posts off. I’m struggling to the point of no return. Work is hectic, life is hectic and this on top of it.Hence why I’ve replied to some of you privately rather than allow comments to be shown on that post. I think though I’ve now replied to everyone who messaged me on here, Twitter and other ways. But to clarify a couple of questions, that seemed to pop up nearly all the time from comments, messages etc.

I have tried blocking the accounts – they just open up another account; muting the account – they carry on tweeting then open up a new account after a few days; ignoring them – they just keep opening up accounts or just keep tweeting; denying I know what they’re on about or who – they just keep going; admitting they’re right – they still carry on.

BTW I came close to losing my job over a mistake I made, I’m still not 100% in the clear. I’ve worked hard, put in long hours, picked up tasks above my remit to get them done. Taken on tasks no one else wanted. I’ve worked long and bloody hard at this job to succeed. Now one mistake – one sodding mistake – and it can all come crashing down around me. Those close to me know how hard I work in this job and the perks I get with it and what I think of my job.

I’ve never really taken much notice of the accounts and their timelines tbh, as I’m not interested. He however, told me that on one of their early troll accounts, they’d left on there some previous troll tweets and that before targeting me/him/others they’d targeted an account in the name of PC Trumpton or something and I think a couple of other people. Apparently he was also a bit of a flirt account on Twitter. So they’ve obviously got previous for this trolling, I don’t know if it’s the police they don’t like or maybe they got burnt by both accounts.

So yes, I do plan to make an official complaint to the police if this carries on. One of the main reasons I held off, was I’d have to give over Jamie, the Met PCs details and I’m not sure he’s been truly honest with me about a few things. I guess in reality I’d been trying to protect him from any questioning but the more this goes on the more I can’t. I’ve been told that if I name him in my complaint as possibly someone behind it or with information about it, that they will have no choice but to inform the IPCC – basically the people who investigate the police. I don’t know how true that is that they’d be informed. Part of me still honestly thinks if he’s not behind it, he knows who is.

If it’s female I’ve got a pretty good idea about who it is. She’s certainly got enough time on her hands. She spends most of her time dripping poison about me to Jamie so I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s behind this too. She drips her poison telling him not to talk to me, not to reply to that text I sent him, not to communicate with me at all. Guess she’s wants him to herself. If it is her, she’s won – though she’s probably telling him it’s me, that I’m behind it all.  He moaned about being controlled by his wife, now he’s letting her contol him – the irony!

No, I’ve not spoken to him, to ask him if he knows who it is, or to ask if he knows who it is to ask them to stop. I shouldn’t have to ask him. This shouldn’t be happening full stop. I also shouldn’t have to beg a stranger to make it stop. Besides which, I don’t know how much he’s told people about things we’ve talked about – he may have told them nothing, he may have told them all what I told him, including private things between him and I. If I did message him, whose to say the first thing he’ll do is send it straight to her for them to laugh at me, for her to take the piss and then take the chance to drip more poison in his ear about me.

I just want it all to stop. Whoever it is, knows stuff about him and who he talks to. They named names in the past I’d never heard of or seen on Twitter. They’d even named one that was no longer following him or something on there, people I didn’t know about, which is why I think it’s someone he knows. If it was me there stuff he’s told me that I could have posted to embarrass or humilate him – though I say stuff I know, she probably does too.But I’m not that vindictive to be doing this. Though no doubt she’s convinced him it’s me. I just want it to stop.

And, funnily enough the troll didn’t comment on that post on here (they did on Twitter though!) probably because you can’t comment on my posts without it tracking your IP address!


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